


What Goes Unsaid

by cunttwatula



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, story told in moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 07:42:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6895987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cunttwatula/pseuds/cunttwatula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a crack in Armin's windshield but it's okay because he can see greener pastures on the other side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Goes Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> EYYYYY! So I wrote this for a little challenge my writing group did. My prompt was GLASS. Surprisingly this is not a meth fic.

Armin gripped his steering wheel and peered out anxiously over his dashboard. It was midday in the middle of winter. The sky was covered in rolling blue-gray clouds that hid the tops of the mountains that lay prominently on the horizon.

“ _Mother / Tell your children not to walk my way / Tell your children not to hear my words / What they mean / What they say / Mother,_ ” Armin whispered the lyrics to himself as he waited for the light to change colors. He wasn’t even particularly a fan of the genre of music he had playing but it was familiar and calming. He could still clearly see his mother on a warm Indiana day barreling down the highway with the windows down and blasting whatever the rockabilly station was playing. He’d been a child then; between stepfathers and sucking on cherry otter pops in the passenger seat.

Now he was a young man in his mid twenties going on his first ever online date. It was just slightly nerve wrecking and so he had sought comfort in the familiar music. He’d resisted for so long since him and his college boyfriend had parted ways nearly a year ago. The breakup had been mutual but he’d still suffered, often feeling as if a hole had been left in his life.

Armin had been most surprised that after breaking up that he’d had so much time. The time he normally would have spent with his boyfriend was now just a vacant spot of inactivity that he longed to fill with company of any kind. For a while he filled this role with his friends but he yearned from something more meaningful.

It was only with his friend’s encouragement that he decided to try online dating. Within a day he’d already received messages from various guys. It was a little overwhelming at first. He considered their profiles individually and only messaged back the guys that seemed to be on there to find more than a hook up. He chatted with a few but only one had been consistent in his responses.

After talking for a little more than a week he’d asked Armin out. His heart had thumped in his chest. As he’d quickly replied with a, “Yeah! That sounds great!”

They’d made a date for Wednesday at a little sandwich bistro in the downtown area. Armin wasn’t familiar.

He pulled up to the corner shop and parked his car. Nerves ran through him and he pulled down his mirrored visor. “Okay, Armin.” He talked to his reflection. “So what if you haven’t been on a date in a few years? You’re going to do fine. This isn’t a big deal. It’s an early dinner before the snow hits. You’re just testing the waters.” Impulsively he pulled down his woven burgundy beanie. A thought hit him, he’d never asked for the guy's name.

Panic ripped through him. Surely, _that_ had been mentioned before. He reopened their chat log and thumbed through their three hundred plus messages at lightning speed. Unless he’d missed it he’d never asked. He let his forehead drop in defeat against the steering wheel.

Another thought - maybe it was on the guy’s profile. Armin reopened the app. Again, he was met with the picture of a smiling man with a handsome and warm face sitting on a rock with towering mountains behind him. He smiled to himself. After skimming the profile he realized his name wasn’t mentioned there either.

Armin groaned. Of all the mortifying things that could have happened on his date this hadn’t been one he’d remotely considered.

His phone beeped and he turned the screen over to see a notification from the dating app telling him he had a message from _tender_blender_heart;_ a name obviously giving homage the the Eve 6 song. It’d been the username that had piqued Armin’s interest in the first place; nonetheless he partly hoped his date was canceling so he could avoid an impending awkward situation.

He opened the message: _Why are you sitting in your car?_

Armin looked up from his lap and into the shop. He saw him then, every bit as gorgeous as the photos had suggested. Even more so. His date smiled cheekily as he raised a wide coffee mug to his lips and took a sip. He felt his cheeks warm up in a flustered blush.

Somehow the glass panes between them made him feel sheltered, as if never asking for his name wasn’t as big a deal. _I just realized I never asked your name and I feel like an idiot._ He hit send.

His date’s eyes went wide as if he hadn’t really expected Armin to respond but, rather, to come in since he’d been caught. Then he smiled, large and entertained before looking back up to Armin from his seat. He stood then and took long strides to the front window of the cafe. He blew hot breath and made a large steamed area.

Armin watched closely as letters started to come together _J-E-A-N_ . Under that Jean wrote a simple _u?_

Jean’s face appeared next to his steam art  and unable to help it Armin’s stomach suddenly felt like he’d gone down the largest roller coaster. Without giving himself to much time to think himself out of it Armin steamed up his windshield and wrote out his name. He smiled to himself.

His phone beeped with another notification from Jean. Armin said the name aloud and wondered which pronunciation Jean preferred.

_Look, we’re already adorable.... To everyone but the staff in here. I’m getting some dirty looks. :/_

Armin snorted. _Guess I better get in there before we get 86d._

His window was starting to clear and he could see the tiny waitress handing Jean a cleaning spray and a rag. Jean caught his eyes and shrugged with a mischievous grin as he got to work.

All at once something about the moment seemed familiar and Armin could tell this date was going to be one of the better decisions in his life.

 

* * *

 

Third date and Jean still hadn’t kissed him. Armin leaned back against the driver door and pulled one leg up on to the seat. He picked at his nails, a nasty habit he had when he was distracted.

Jean was talking about his childhood dog, Amber. It wasn’t that Armin wasn’t interested but he was entirely more concerned with the way Jean’s mouth moved to form words. The distinct circle of his lips on long vowels and the tensing of his jaw on harder sounds.

Gorgeous didn’t even begin to describe Jean. His skin was tanned by the long gone summer sun and his face was long with a strong nose and square jaw. His eyes were the color of the honey Armin put in his tea and flecked darker with a color that reminded him of a mild espresso bean.

“Armin?”

He jumped, he’d lost himself in thought.

Jean shot him a self-satisfied grin. “Everything okay?”

Armin sat up straighter and swallowed. “Yeah, everything is great. Today’s been great. Thanks again for the funnel cake.”

“I’m just sorry we couldn’t get one at six flags. But maybe in the summer?”

He laughed under his breath. “Are we still going to be seeing each other in the summer?”

Jean leaned in over the stick shift. His hand cupped the side of Armin’s face and his thumb dragged softly over the top of Armin’s cheek.

Armin’s eyes slipped closed and he tilted his chin up. He could feel Jean’s face come even closer but stop short of his lips. Jean’s breath ghosted warmly against his mouth. Teasing and every bit sexually frustrating.

“Is this what you were thinking of?” Jean said. Armin could hear the smile in his voice.

He smiled. “Why are we talking about it when could be doing it?”

Jean closed the gap. Firmly covering Armin’s mouth with his in an exploratory first kiss. Their lips moved in tandem; their heated mouths an inviting contrast to the snow that lay just outside Armin’s car.

It hit Armin then that this was probably the best first kiss he’d ever had. Jean tasted like his always present coffee and smelled like burning logs. He made Armin’s heart race with his banter and confident presentation. Armin felt young again, his previous relationship had aged him well beyond his years. But, he was new again with Jean.

Jean sat back in the passenger side. “I should probably go. My roommate keeps looking out the front window. Probably needs me to kill a spider.”

“Oh, okay.” It was all Armin could manage. Jean has sucked the breath out of him.

They looked at each other. Charged energy filling the cab.

Jean leaned across the console again, Armin met him halfway for a much quicker, simpler kiss. “I’ll call you later.”

“That’d be nice.”

Jean stole a final kiss before practically bolting out of the car and up to the door of the house he was renting with his friends.

Armin pulled away from the sidewalk. A calming familiar sensation washing over him. Then he noticed a chip in his windshield. He leaned forward over the dash when he came to a deserted stop sign, hoping it was just something that had gotten on the glass. He scratched at it only to have to accept it was actually damaged.

He sighed to himself and drove home.

 

* * *

 

“In the car?” Armin laughed as Jean kissed down his neck. He tugged Armin’s leg up over his hip.

“Yeah.” He smiled against Armin’s ear. “It’ll be fun.”

Armin looked out the window he was backed up against. The sun had just dipped below the horizon on the pacific coast line casting the sky into a pale gray blue. They were pulled over at an overlook, above where they had spent the day at the beach. Jean had chased him into the ocean and thrown him into the oncoming waves without regard for the fact Armin hadn’t yet changed out of his clothes. He’d been upset but quickly won over when Jean dove into a particularly large wave as an act of apology.

They’d spent their six month anniversary like that. Side by side at the beach, walking on main street in the cute little town built into the rolling landscape, and silently not acknowledging this was in fact a celebration.

He looked back to Jean. Nobody had passed by the overlook in the last twenty minutes. He supposed that as far as semi-public sex went it would be rather private. “I’m all sandy still.”

“What’s that saying? A little dirt never hurt.”

“I don’t think they were considering sand in your urethra.”

Jean grimaced. “Jesus Christ, Armin. I think my balls just retreated inside of me.”

Armin snorted. “Sorry! I’ll try to be less gross. It’s a little hard not to think of these things when you’re in medicine, though.”

Jean returned to Armin’s neck, kissing past his collar bones as he tugged at the shirt to reveal more skin. “Mmm. A man with a brain.”

Armin moaned when Jean palmed him firmly through his swimming trunks. He hurriedly removed his shirt and Jean made a path down his ocean cooled skin to the elastic of his shorts. Jean pulled his quickly hardening cock out of his trunks and gave it a few solid pumps before taking it in his mouth to the base.

Armin’s head lulled back and he bit his lip as he slid his fingers into Jean’s hair. “Oh,” He gasped when Jean tongued the head laboriously. “Oh, that’s nice.”

He was exhausted from the day and the blow job he was receiving was doing little to help him reserve his energy. His toes curled against his flip flops as pressure built in his lower stomach like a jar about to pop open.

Jean took him to the base, swallowing the tip of his cock rhythmically in his pulsing throat.

Without warning he reached his climax. He spilled into Jean’s throat causing him to choke and pull off. Jean caught the rest in his hands.

After a moment Armin felt horrified. “Fuck. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to finish without saying anything.”

Jean waved him off, still coughing. “No, no. It’s fine. It was hot. Honestly.” Once he caught his breath he leaned forward and kissed Armin quickly. “Also, no sand.”

It took Armin until Jean had crawled up front and sat himself in the passenger seat to understood what he’d meant. “Oh, you asshole.” They laughed and Armin got into the driver’s seat.

“Well, let’s get to the hotel. I think I owe you one. Just let me shower first.”

Jean shrugged with both his hands behind his head. “No need.”

“Wait, so you don’t want to have sex when we get to the hotel?”

“Oh, I do. Just you don’t have to pay me back with sex.”

Armin tuned the car on and sat still for a moment looking at this hands. Jean had a way of wording things very carefully. “What do you mean I don’t have to pay you back with sex? What am I paying you back with?”

Jean looked over with a grin. “Just remember this when you’re meeting my parents in a few weeks when they come to visit.”

Armin’s eyes went wide, “Your what?”

“My parents. They’re coming up from New Mexico for my birthday.”

“ _You_ want _me_ to meet your parents?”

Jean sat up straighter. “Well, yeah. We’ve been together six months.”

Armin wasn’t sure to be more flattered that Jean remembered their anniversary or that Jean wanted him to meet his parents. “I wasn’t sure you knew it was our sixth month.”

“What do you mean?” Jean looked to him and took a swig of the red Gatorade in the cup holder. “Of course I know. Armin, I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re honest with everyone but yourself. You’re smart as hell. You don’t let me bullshit you too much. And I just,” Jean looked away. “You’re important to me.”

For a moment all he could do was stare. Six months was such a short amount of time but in that time they’d grown close. It seemed they sent more time together than not and Armin found himself wanting to create something more with him. “I care about you to.”

He wondered if he should say he loved Jean but he had so much self doubt. He’d wait for Jean to say it first. Otherwise he might not say it at all.

Jean’s face broke into a goofy grin and Armin couldn’t help but mimic him. He put his car in drive and found his way to the highway. It wasn’t until the glass was hit with the light of an oncoming car did Armin see that the crack had grown.

“What the hell?” He squinted over the dash.

Jean looked too, “What?”

“The windshield is cracked. More.” he sat back with a sigh. “I have to get it replaced.”

Jean kept staring, his eyes looking everywhere on the glass. “Oh-kay. I don’t see anything. Maybe it’s a trick of the light.”

Armin didn’t respond. He just focused on the wonderful, safe feeling in his chest.

 

* * *

 

Armin not so gently let his head fall against his steering wheel. Jean got in the car and just sat with his palms sliding down his thighs.

“Well, _that_ didn’t go as planned.” Jean tried for humor but it fell short on Armin’s ears.

He turned the key in the ignition and pulled out of his parking spot. He still had to drop Jean off at his place but honestly all he wanted to do was curl up and die.

“Armin.”

He rolled his eyes. No amount of comforting was going to help him now.

“Armin, come on. Look at me. It’s not as bad as you think.”

“They _hated_ me.” Armin chanced a look out of the corner of his eye at Jean. His boyfriend had a deep set frown.

Jean ran his hand through his hair. “They didn’t hate you.”

“Your parents called your ex in the middle of dinner so you could talk to her.” Jean must of had nothing to say to that because he didn’t respond. Sadness and embarrassment were suddenly replaced with anger. “Why didn’t you ever tell me that you’re bi? We’ve been dating seven months and you never thought, ‘Oh, hey, Armin maybe you should know that I can leave you for a girl at any time.’”

Armin glanced over and saw the hurt spreading across Jean’s face. “What the hell Armin. You’re - You’re better than that. You’re smarter than that. You’re not like my parents who think me wanting to date you is a phase. I _want_ to date you. I _want_ to be with you.”

His eyes stung and he took a hand off the steering wheel to wipe the unshed tears away. Shame didn’t let him speak. They drove the rest of the way to Jean’s in silence.

When he pulled up Jean undid his seatbelt and sat for a moment. Maybe hoping Armin would look at him, or at least say something to him. After what felt like a long time Jean spoke. “I guess I’ll go inside then.”

He leaned over and kissed Armin’s cheek and that’s when he broke. Tears dripped down his face. “I just wanted them to like me. And they very obviously don’t want you to be dating me.” Finally, he turned to face Jean and found himself being pulled into his chest. Jean kissed his head, pulled away and kissed away face.

“They’ll come around. Even if they don’t it doesn’t matter. _I_ want you. Okay?”

Armin nodded and Jean wiped away his tears with this thumbs.

“Call me when you get home. It looks like rain.”

“Okay,” Armin squeaked.

Jean exited the car, firmly shutting the door. Sure enough, as soon as Armin watched him disappear inside the sky cracked open. Armin looked up at the sky through his windshield. The whole situation was morose but familiar.

Suddenly he noticed the crack in his window, as if it had just appeared. It was starting to take shape. Now extending to the passenger side and up towards the top. “Unbelieveable.”

His phone went off with a text. _Come inside._

Armin looked out the passenger window to Jean’s house. His boyfriend stood beneath the porch typing on his phone then putting it to his ear. Armin’s own phone buzzed and he answered the call. “Hello?”

“I realized I don’t want you to go.”

“Oh, Jean. I’ll be okay.”

“I know. But I want to know you’re okay. I want you to know how much I want you. Let me show you. Come inside.”

Armin turned the engine off.

 

* * *

 

They were in the drive thru for coffee the morning after an impromptu bar crawl Jean’s friends had called in honor of Connie and Sasha finally getting together after a long six years. Armin was wearing a pair of Sasha’s hangover glasses. All dark tint with wide rims. His head rested on the open window sill of the driver door.

“I told you last time your friends took us drinking that I was not allowed to do shots.” Armin groaned. “And what did you let me do? Shots. _Seven_ shots.”

Jean chuckled. “I didn’t let you do anything. I went to the bathroom and when I came back you were already four deep.”

“You know I can’t be trusted!” His own voice made his head throb.

The barista came back to the window and handed Armin his coffee, sugar no cream. He took a sip and felt just a little bit of tension melt away.

“Armin.” He looked over to Jean. “My drink.”

He looked back to the window to where the barista was staring at him sympathetically. “Oh,” was all he could manage. He handed Jean his coffee and drove forward.

They got on the main road and started to drive to their favorite breakfast place. Since it’s fall they had pumpkin pancakes.

“You know,” Armin glanced over when Jean spokes. “My lease is up next month.”

A wall of hungover ineptitude took over. “Oh. Connie’s not staying.”

“No, he is. But Sasha is probably going to be moving in. Since they’re together now.”

Armin nodded as he made a left. “What are you going to do?”

Jean didn’t say anything and when Armin turned to look at him he saw his boyfriend biting his knuckle and blushing. “Oh. Oh my god. Jean, are you -”

“I think we should move in together.” Jean rushed the sentence out of his mouth.

Armin parked in the rear of the restaurant and downed his cooled coffee. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“We’ve only been dating ten months.”

Jean smirked. “We’re practically married.”

Now it was Armin’s turn to blush. “Married? Jean, I mean, do you _want_ to get married? Are you thinking about that?” Armin head begged to be allowed to stop working.

“I mean, yeah. Maybe. One day. Not now.” Jean ran his hands over his face. “All I know right now is that you spend four days of the week at my place and I spend at least two at yours. I’m tired of thinking that home isn’t where you are.”

Armin leaned across the console and kissed Jean. “The answer is yes, but I am upset you couldn’t wait for me to be not dead.”

Jean smiled and kissed him back. “Sorry, you’re just so cute when you’re hungover.”

Armin sat back in his seat and groaned. He noticed the crack had gotten longer, and wider. He couldn’t be inclined to care about much of anything though. Nothing but Jean mattered anymore.

* * *

 

They were taking a trip up to the lake for their one year anniversary. If somebody had told Armin a year ago he’d be more in love than he’d ever been with a stranger he’d met online he would have laughed. But there they were.

They left after Armin had gotten off work so it was already night as they took the winding road up to the cabin they had rented for the weekend. They hadn’t had snowfall just yet but any day now the sky was going to let go and cover the city in white powder.

“My mom wanted me to say ‘Hi’ to you. I guess my parents are coming around.”

Armin sighed. “It’s still a sore point. Let’s not talk about it.”

Jean reached over and grabbed Armin’s hand. He looked over to him and smiled before turning his head back to the road.

One year was such a short amount of time and yet Armin couldn’t remember what his life was like before he met Jean.

“We should go visit them during the summer,” Armin relented. “But, I don’t want to stay at their house. We can get a hotel room or something.”

“You mean it?”

“Yeah.” Armin glanced over. “If you say they are coming around I believe you.”

He knew Jean was smiling when he turned back to the road. “We should do something else this summer.”

“Like what?”

Jean shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe we could go to Washington D.C..”

Armin snorted. “You’re such a history nerd.”

“I sense no lie.”

They fell into a familiar silence as _Mother_ played through the car’s speakers.

The song skipped back a verse.

“Didn’t we already go this way?” Armin’s eye brows pulled together. He thought they’d already passed that mile marker.

Jean sat up straighter. “What the hell?”

The song skipped.

Jean sat up straighter. “What the hell?”

All at once Armin noticed the crack in his windshield. Larger than it had ever been. It was no longer just a crack but rather a shape, a picture. But he couldn’t place it. Didn’t know what it was off hand.

The song skipped.

Jean sat up straighter. “What the hell?”

They came around an eerily familiar turn. He could sense Jean’s panic but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the picture.

“Armin it’s a -”

The song skipped.

Jean sat up straighter. “What the hell?”

His blood rushed through his ears as if his body was working double time. If Armin could just have a moment to think he’d know what the crack was. He’d know why Jean was panicking. “Jean,” he tried.

“Armin it’s a -”

The song skipped.

Jean sat up straighter. “What the hell?”

Now Armin was beginning to panic. The world felt charged with static, like his very being was being shaken out of his body. Quickly, “Jean, do you know what the crack in the windshield looks like?”

No response. He looked over to an empty chair. Unbelieving of the situation Armin turned back to the front. The car seemed to drive itself and then he heard Jean’s voice disembodied and soft, “It’s a deer.”

A deer ran into the middle of the road and the glass shattered.

The song skipped.

A deer ran into the middle of the road and the glass shattered.

The song skipped.

A deer ran into the middle of the road and the glass shattered.

The song skipped.

His brain couldn’t think fast enough. The car wouldn’t move. And he was alone. “Jean!” He finally managed. He heard a sob from next to him and turned in time to see Jean. Blood covering his face. Terror in his eyes. “Armin! Don’t do this to me!”

Armin screamed.

The song skipped.

Jean was standing in the middle of the road looking down at a mangled deer carcass. The moment was slow. Jean looked up to Armin and even though they were separated by glass and metal Armin could hear him. “Please! I love you!”

Armin yanked the wheel left and the car rolled into a ditch off the side of the interstate.

The song stopped playing when Armin opened his eyes. He wasn’t in his car. He was standing on the interstate looking at a bloody deer. It’s jaw hung broken and head faced the wrong way. Armin felt sick.Then he remembered Jean.

He took in his surroundings and saw smoke from the side of the road. Slowly, he walked over, his body suddenly felt like it was resisting a magnet.

He saw his car. Windshield shattered and engine smoking.

Armin hurried down the slope of the ditch and came around his totaled car. That’s when he saw him, Jean. Tears were spilling down his face and he was screaming. “Armin! Wake up! Don’t do this to me!”

Then he saw himself. Unmoving. It was surreal. Moments like this were the fabrication of movies and tv, not real life. But Jean looked so sad. Armin knelt next to him. And tried to touch his cheek. He could see that his hand laid against Jean’s skin but he couldn’t feel his warmth or the softness of his face.

“Oh, Jean.” Armin sobbed. “It’s not supposed to be like this.” He lost his balance and found purchase by throwing a hand to the ground. There was a strong pulling sensation on his arm and when he turned to look he saw his hand had disappeared into his body’s chest.

It felt like he’d be winded when when he was suddenly yanked into his body. Then there was darkness.

 

* * *

 

Armin gasped like a man who had never known air when he regained consciousness. His eyes darted around in a panic until they found Jean, leaning over him, a wound on his head causing him to bleed. “Jean,” he could hardly manage the word.

“Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Armin. Thank God.”

He kissed Armin’s knuckles. “Don’t move. The ambulance is on it’s way.”

“What happened?”

“A deer ran out into the road and we hit it then swerved off the highway.”

It came rushing back to him. The crazy dream about the crack in his windshield. But the moments in his dream weren’t fictional they had been memories.

His head hurt. “It’s cold.” He tried to move but Jean held him down.

“Don’t move.” Jean managed a bitter laugh. “Christ Armin. I thought I lost you and the only thing you have to say is that it’s cold.” Jean whimpered. “I love you Armin. I thought I was never going to get to tell you. That’s all I could think about. That you’d died and I’d never said it to you.”

Armin coughed. “I know you love me.”

In the distance they could hear sirens. The sky broke open and the snow fell.

He squeezed Jean’s hand. “I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just to be clear I'm sorry. I could have done so much more with this prompt but I just don't have it in my right now. Writing has become a chore and I don't want anybody thinking I'm coming out with anything long and time consuming soon. 
> 
> That being said - Thanks for reading! I know this story was lacking (what are details? what is plot?) but i hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Drop a comment to save a life.


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